I Know I Have to Stand in the Field

I have no choice but face my biggest fear, to go out and meet people, to be out in the open in life. I have no choice but to stand in the open field and scream, “Here I am world out in the visible.”

When I was in high school I wrote a poem titled “The Invisible Tear.” I can’t express how symbolic that poem turned out to be. I even drew a man with a mask on part of his face and the other part of his face hid behind a shadow. A drew a tear rolling down the cheek of the man. I was taken by the comedy drama masks I saw in Ms. Frankie, my English teacher’s classroom. She hung these masks on the bulletin board next to her desk.

I never thought much about my poem, “The Invisible Tear” or about the comedy and drama masks in Mrs. Frankie’s classroom; but when I think back, all the signs of my troubled life were there. My poem, my fixation with the comedy and drama mask and my depression, were just a few examples  and indicators of my sadness and longing for a normal life.

My mother instilled a phobia in my sisters and I of people; stay with what’s familiar was one of many beliefs that my tribal family of origin held. So, the world is full of strangers, how am I going to get to know these strangers if I don’t stand out in the open field where there are no trees that I can hid behind?Screen Shot 2018-12-06 at 11.00.40 PM.png?

 

 

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