Follow the Script

My mother wrote the script and she broke my four sisters and I down into a specific role.  If we ever diverged from those roles,  she delved into her daily routine of berating, humiliating, scolding, shaming and demeaning us. It actually was genius work that she did. She designed the script, broke us down into those narrow specific roles, humiliated us if we stepped out of those roles. That’s a lot to manage while still having to cook, clean and do laundry. I’m not being bitter or rude, I just stating the facts.

The narcissist’s job is to inflect pain and suffering on their victims.  My mother did this. She was obviously, a very unhappy person. I don’t think she knew what the word happy, joy or peace meant. I don’t think she’s ever experienced such feelings. It’s strange but I did witness, on several occasions, “joy” wash over her face when she inflected pain on myself and/or my sisters and others. It still creeps me out to think of her “joy” when she made sure my sisters and I were unhappy. It’s not a happy joy, but a wicked, creepy joy.  A dark joy where her eyes would narrow and her lips would turn into a slight smile. I’ve been haunted by this look for as long as I can remember.

The part that I find hard to accept is that my sisters have no idea that they are following my mother’s script. They have no idea that the actors in their lives change, but the roles and script are the same, because they make sure everyone in their life follows the script. I just recently discovered that I too was following my mother’s script. Like me, I’ve seen my sisters force neighbors, co workers and family members into the roles written in my mother’s script. Yes, so just follow the script because it’s been the family tradition for some time now and a great way to ensure no individuals evolve into who they are meant to be.

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